I started this thing ready! Pumped! Even Excited! As a fan of the post-apocalyptic genre, I had been preparing for this moment my whole life! I have found myself many times watching these types of films anxiously sitting at the edge of my sit, grasping on to the chair for dear life, dying to jump through the screen to tell the character what I would do, how I would handle things, or to help them kick some zombie butt.
So of course as soon as I heard the news, I went into “Alice” mode.
(For those of you that are not Sci-Fi fans, that’s Mila Jovovich’s character in the Resident evil movies… by far one of my favs from the zombie, virus, post-apocalyptic genre)
I quickly found my daughters and I a place to bunker down, journeyed out to gather enough rations for the 14 days, and got to work on helping my business flow with the changes that were coming.
I was ready! …inspired! …pumped! No zombies would break through our perimeter!!!
I mean people…
I mean virus…
Sure, this is way over dramatized as far as my actions, but I can’t deny my feelings were as strong as if I had truly been in that type of situation. There has never been anything like this in my lifetime, something that has made the whole world stop the way it has been functioning and created an uncertain future.
I can relish and embrace each now, love each moment, but the apprehensive curiosity of what life will be like after quarantine, or the heartache that comes with the possibility of losing someone to the virus, still creeps in from time to time creating a new set of feelings I’ve yet to understand.
I spent the first 3 weeks, in quarantine, sick with Covid-19 like symptoms. The illness was debilitating, breathing was difficult, moving would aggravate it, the headache was constant, long periods of palpitations reoccurred throughout the day, and my temperature fluctuated randomly.
Although all this caused anxiety over not knowing if I had the virus or just a cold, I was the most productive I had been in months. I had laser focus, read several books, worked on my business, redesigned spaces, started learning a new language, wrote, filmed a few videos and made 50 ingredient gourmet meals. It was a high!
Then…
I stopped!
I wish I could say that some specific emotion came over me that seized my productivity, but nope. It just stopped and ever since then my days have alternated from semi productive to sloth-like days, which I have given myself permission to embrace as I figured I most likely need it to process the crazy situation we are in, and a future full of uncertainty.
I usually don’t have difficulty being inspired to get my work done or being productive, but I do feel a great difference with not having a due date, a finish line, or an allotted amount of time for which we’ll be in lock-down. So I decided to focus on the heart of things, the people, the emotions, the why. Since business structures and daily routines may never resume the same way they once were, I changed my focus to the heart of why I do things and choose to live in the ways we do.
…until we can all share space again.
