Time has a way of swallowing us whole. It is as if, when we blink without intention, we wake up to notice time has gone with a whisper of what was lived or leaves behind a vague memory. Living on the road is not like this though. Life as a nomad is absent of time, every moment is lived with intention and every second is remembered as a complete moment that has been fully lived. My theory is that when we try to adapt to the mundane, the only way to cope is to disconnect, at least that has been my experience.
We stopped back home a few months ago and have stayed through the holidays. My daughters are 11 and 12, and their father and I are divorced. It was a concern for me when we started traveling that the connection they had with their father could be lost. So, we go “home” often but for short periods of time. This is the first time in 18 months that we stand still for more than a few weeks. We all decided on this for different reasons, my youngest wanted to build a room she could call hers, my oldest needed a break from “the car”, and I needed to dedicate more time to my budding business while close to my team.
We all worked diligently on our goals upon our return, but the ghosts of who we used to be creeped up and took over. It is truly amazing the impact that our surroundings have on our psyche. Objects around us hold memories and triggers that create a fantasy of who we are. For us, it brought us back to who we were 18 months ago, and created a trans-like state in which we just moved through each moment without much regard to what was happening. This caused for us a vacuum in time. Four months flew by with very few moments, very few “nows”, and very few memories. Our tasks were completed, yet we were kind of lost.
As the past took over our lives, it became a fight and an internal struggle to regain who I had become, and separate that life that I once had, my past, which was trying to consume me from the person that gained a sense of wonder and freedom. I don’t know if the techniques I learned through travel will always work but for now, I have acquire an almost ritualistic practice of surrounding myself with the unknown. Being in the presence of new things, activities, and people create a pathway for the mind to break free of stubborn and mundane habits. It has helped me to step outside each situation and look at it with fresh, child-like wonder, not assigning a like or dislike to it, and instead keeping it neutral.
Now, after all the lessons learned, I step into a new year with fresh eyes and new goals. We have set our goals and path for the first half of the year and set forth to live each and every moment with intention. We hold love in our hearts and an inquisitive view of the world. The world is our teacher and we are open and receptive to all that life puts in our path. And as we lose ourselves and set back to old ways, we will breathe and regain our strength to learn from those moments and become better versions of ourselves.
